...... (I didn't write this!)
Invisible Mother
It all began to make
sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will
walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store..
Inside I'm thinking,
'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously, not.
No one can see if I'm
on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in
the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible. The
invisible Mom . Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix
this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a
pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is
it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm
a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that
these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and
the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the
peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!
One night, a group of
us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..
Janice had just
gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel
she stayed in.
I was sitting there,
looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to
compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice
turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you
this.'
It was a book on the
great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me
until I read her inscription: 'To My Dear Friend, with admiration for the
greatness of what you are building when no one sees.' In the days ahead I would
read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me,
four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
No one can say who
built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders
gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made
great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was
fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in
the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being
built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was
puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird
into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the
workman replied, 'Because God sees'
I closed the book,
feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God
whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even
when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've
sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over.
You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will
become.'
At times, my
invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing
my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the
antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see
myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they
will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the
book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our
lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's
bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the
morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three
hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a
shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then,
if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're going to love
it there.'
As mothers, we are
building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one
day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have
built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible
women.
Great Job, MOM!
Hope this encourages you when the
going gets tough.. as it sometimes does...I didn't write this - I just love it.
This is so beautiful. Thank you for reminding me that the work I do is important. I tend to think that only "big" achievements are worthwhile but maybe the laundry and the picking up and the cooking and so on are achievements too.
ReplyDeleteThank you
Jennifer in England
Jennifer - I had so many days when I would wonder "what the heck am I doing!" It sometimes seemed when the kids were little that everyone else was REALLY living life and I was just in a holding pattern - but I can tell you looking back it was TOTALLY WORTH IT! I have the most amazing kids ever and our relationships are strong and sweet. You have the most important job in the world - hang in there :)hugs! Anita
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this quote: 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over.' I've spent 37 consecutive years as a Mom, sometimes invisible too.....however, completely worthwhile. Mothering completes me. Thanks for sharing that story.
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